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I feel so suppressed living here, to the point that I don't even wanna watch TV, or movies, or anything anymore, because it would reminds me of how much dullness I am in right now, and I just wanna take my life. sigh.

I'm at this point in my life where it feels like a crossroad... because I honestly want to live a simple life, yet I am anything but simple. And even being simple; having things to make you feel simple requires money. Everything is money money money.

So if the world revolves around money, I would want to make money doing what I love, you know? but everything is so hard to do, and I have so much dreams and goals, but the thought of not being able to reach them scares me.

I don't know, I guess I'm just caught in this vulnerable moment right now, I can't get out of it.

You know, I can't even cry if I wanted to. I feel so parched emotionally.

No water left, no enthusiasm left. 10 years of living here, every day for the past 10 years....

Why does it matter? why do we do the things we do? What's the point if you're gonna leave this life one day. I don't understand.

I'm also mad at myself for feeling this way, because I know I have so much potential and I am better than this. But I just feel so hopeless right now. Stuck in the middle. So low. So bitter. I caught myself being so bitter lately, to everything. I don't wanna be like this. I have to leave this place before everything becomes unbearable.

I guess it's true, ignorance is bliss. People who doesn't question too much about their existence, who just live their daily life routines, are perfectly happy with it. But me, the more I know, the more I question, which then makes me feel like this; blue and somber.